He is one of the most paranoid people when it comes to protection did I lock all the doors and windows did I triple check everything?! and He hasn't bothered to pick up the phone in over 2 days.
He is being one of the most selfish people. and you know what thats how we got on this squabble in the 1st place He wasn't one bit worried that I might not have a ride back he was worried that he would be the one to have to take me back. I cant believe this man I jump through hoops to drive him around the same city from a different county away and he wont do the same.
now just a little back ground when he's happy in love. O' man is it deep and I can feel it like an arrow through the soul but when he's mad O'boy is he unforgiving!!! and I have no reason to need or ask his forgiveness I did nothing wrong in my eyes I reacted to his insensitive behavior. I have learned that, that is something that should be avoided because their chemical imbalance is a illness and they can't always control what they do or say especially when they are hungry or tired. they are all out of whack.
but I think it should be something they learn accept and apologize for !
not us but then why do I feel guilty ?
like It was unfair of me to get upset ?
should I always carry his sickness in the back of my mind ?
I do love him. He does love me.
He would be heart broken and empty without me. kitty is what he calls me! (thats kind of a peggy lee song that reminds me of us) because thats what he calls me when he's felling good.
I will make it a point to write when I am both pleased (happy & ecstatic ) and when things are going as they are because I looked around for help in blogs and such and I never found what is was looking for. I hope this helps some one. if not I helps me!
I want to talk about a day when I was feeling down. I went to a therapist and they asked me if I really wanted to be with a know it all?
Now, I could believe these words were coming out as they did. It was my first visit with her and she was basing everything on less than an hours worth of info and not even all about him! I could help but think to myself she has no idea what a genius he is. how caring he can be at times and any external factors of our lives that could be affecting us. she has no idea about my past of a cheating ex-husband and childhood of men that violated me in so many ways. This man is faithful and trying to help me heal the scars of my past, because of his regrets.
A little more background on us we dated when we were 15 and he lost his virginity to me. I was the first girl he ever loved and 12 yrs later he found me. Beat down by life and nearly getting by he had dear friends die from Aids and decided he could never cheat or madly sleep around even as a single man. greatly intelligent highly motivated. needless to say I never went back to see her again!! I think maybe a male therapist would have benefited my situation.
his regret not fighting for me & being around the entire time to protect me from what life had done to me.
how can I not love this man?
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